I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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