I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
