I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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