God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
