OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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