Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
