Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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