if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
