They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
