Your dad touched me again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize