Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
