remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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