There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
