She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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