there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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