I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
