I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
