Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
