We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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