haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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