Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
