found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
