How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You work out of a Hotel?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
