I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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