It's Friday. Sex?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
