so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
