trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.