Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...