she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
