apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize