alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
