He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
