Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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