you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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