He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
