My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
