Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
