Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize