Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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