He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
