i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
