Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
