I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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