i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
