y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
