Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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