I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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