Got a toothbrush?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
