Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
