and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
