well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
