you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
