I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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