This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
