im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
