i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
