I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
