so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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