i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
