dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
