Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
